I just wanted to tell everyone THANK YOU for all the kind words and prayers you have made for us. We are slowly getting back to "normal" if we ever can be. It has been one week since we found out our baby was no longer with us and it has been a roller coaster of emotions. I know we will continue to have our ups and downs but we have great family & friends by our side. We are going to be okay. Unfortunately grief is not something you just wake up one day and not experience. It is a process that through time gets easier but never really goes away. I will ALWAYS miss my baby. I will always wonder the gender. I say boy because that was my gut feeling (and I was right with Hannah). I will always wonder how much he would have looked like Hannah. I will always wonder if he would have been my calm baby as Hannah is our "wild child." (She is not really out of control just a tad on the hyper side) I will always wonder all those questions that you wait to see about your baby.

I owe a BIG thanks to my sweet husband. He has been everything to me for the past week. He was before all of this but he has helped me in more ways than I thought. He has taken care of me and Hannah. I can't even express how much I love this man. I don't think there are words for that kind of love. Even in his grief, he has made sure that I was okay first. Not many men still exist like him and I thank God that He answered my prayers and gave me the Christian man of my dreams.

Hannah has been confused. She knows that something isn't right but she doesn't understand. She will rub my stomach and ask about the baby. This is heartbreaking to me but I just tell her that he went to be with God. I think she thinks I am crazy. The other night I was crying and she crawled in my lap, wiped my tears, and said "It okay mommy." She said it with such empathy you could see it in her little blue eyes. That girl is going to change the world with her big heart. She loves to help & is a great comforter.

We received an angel for our Christmas tree from Brian & Tina. It was such a thoughtful gift. I LOVED it. I had already thought I would try to find something that represented the baby for our tree. This was perfect.

I am sorry I am probably depressing all of you. I think Susan was right - blogging is good therapy. I probably couldn't choke all of this out if I were to say it out loud so it is good to be able to type it. You need to visit Kristy's blog and read her post today. It is about rainbows and the promises God has given us. It just reminded me that God hasn't always promised rainbows on this earth but we just need to wait for the "big" rainbow. The one promise that we will be in Heaven if we obey His commandments. So today I am a little happier knowing that I have a wonderful life and the grief I feel will get better. Plus I have been reading message boards from people that have suffered miscarriages. I will tell you after reading some of their stories I feel pretty lucky. I have had a healthy pregnancy and had zero problems. Hannah has been healthy and is growing up. My marriage is GREAT! Right now there is no reason to think I couldn't get pregnant again & have a healthy pregnancy and baby. Life really is good. I just need to focus on the rainbows and not the storms.

If you are still there - thanks for listening!